Coaching Wisdom from Solomon

Coaching Wisdom from Solomon - 

The Proverbs Applied to Coaching 

This is a series of discussions which will seek to apply the ancient wisdom of King Solomon to the world of coaching sports. Each discussion will include some brief introductory thoughts and a series of discussion questions related to each passage of the Proverbs. 

Daily reading of the Proverbs has long been a common form of devotional reading for Christian men and women. Setting aside time to read one chapter of the Proverbs each day is a proven method for spiritual development in the most practical way. The entire book of thirty-one chapters may be read monthly by simply reading the chapter number which corresponds to the day of the month. 

I pray that these scriptures inform our coaching and that the Spirit of Christ transforms our hearts as we apply these truths to our work. 

1. General Principles from the Proverbs 

2. Work Ethic in the Proverbs 

3. Communication Issues in the Proverbs 

4. Wise Attitudes in the Proverbs 

5. Integrity in the Proverbs 

6. The Proverbs on Relationships with Colleagues 

7. The Proverbs on Relationships with Players 

8. The Proverbs on Relationships with Opponents 

9. The Proverbs on Relationships with Your Spouse 

10. The Proverbs on Relationships with Your Family 

11. The Proverbs on Relationships with Administration 

12. The Proverbs on Relationships with People outside the Program 

13. The Proverbs on Relationships with Officials 

14. Financial Issues Addressed in the Proverbs 

15. Personal and Professional Development in the Proverbs 

All scriptures are from the Holman Christian Standard Bible. 

General Principles from the Proverbs – 

The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom for all of life. This is no less true for men and women who work as sports coaches. Whether coaching is your profession, something you do in addition to your career, or whether you’re a volunteer; coaching for many of us is more than a job, it’s a passion. For some it’s even our calling from God. Let’s look to the Proverbs for some general principles for our lives as coaches. 

· Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord

is the beginning of knowledge;

fools despise wisdom and discipline” 

o How does having a proper respect for God open the door for one to gain knowledge? 

o How does this attitude affect your approach to coaching and the life long process of learning your craft? 

o When you heard the phrase, “fools despise wisdom and discipline,” whose name or face came to mind? Tell us about him or her. 

· Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding;

think about Him in all your ways,

and He will guide you on the right paths.” 

o As a percentage, with how much of your heart do you trust the Lord today? 

o Why would we be cautioned to not rely on our own understanding? 

o What portions of a coach’s life, his ways, often go without God’s guidance among your colleagues in coaching? 

o Tell us about a situation where trusting God beyond your own understanding and thinking God’s way about things led to Him guiding you on the right path. 

· Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else,

for it is the source of life.” 

o From what do you find it necessary to guard your heart? 

o Why would it be so important to do so? 

o What are some coaching situations in which you are conscious about guarding your heart? 

Work Ethic in the Proverbs – 

When the words, “work ethic” are mentioned in coaching circles, one usually sees some shaking heads, some wringing hands, and even some rolling eyes. Few issues are more difficult to build into one’s team and into the lives of individual players than this principle. Many coaches find some of their colleagues also seem to lack this elusive quality. The Proverbs speak directly to the value of a strong work ethic and to its results. 

· Proverbs 12:11 “The one who works his land will have plenty of food,

but whoever chases fantasies lacks sense.” 

o Who is the coach comes to mind when you hear the phrase, “whoever chases fantasies lacks sense”? 

o Whose name comes to mind as a coach who has done well because he “worked his land”? 

· Proverbs 14:4 “Where there are no oxen, the feeding trough is empty,

but an abundant harvest comes through the strength of an ox.” 

o If raising cattle is such a dirty business, why do farmers do it? 

o If one has oxen in his barn, what sorts of dirty work come along with it? 

o What is some of the dirty work that comes along with having a locker room full of players? 

o What is the harvest that coaches reap because of their productive work with players? 

· Proverbs 14:23 “There is profit in all hard work,

but endless talk leads only to poverty.” 

o Where does endless talk occur in your sport? How do you deal with it? 

o What is the hard work in coaching that produces true profit for you? 

· Proverbs 24:27 “Complete your outdoor work, and prepare your field;

afterward, build your house.” 

o Why would there be wisdom in building a barn before one’s house? 

o What are some coaching equivalents to barns and houses? 

o How are some ways to invest in your barn this week? 

Communication Issues in the Proverbs – 

Coaches communicate for a living. How well they communicate can be the difference between winning and losing. How they communicate can be the difference between their players experiencing joy and fulfillment or pain and frustration in their sports careers. The Proverbs offer sobering wisdom related to the power of our communication and values that can shape it for everyone’s benefit. 

· Proverbs 18:21 “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruit.” 

o Tell us a story about a situation when a coach’s tongue had the power of life in it. 

o Can you recall a coach whose tongue seemed to be full of death? What were the results in his players and coaching colleagues? 

o Coaches talk for a living; if we will eat the fruit of our tongues, what is that fruit? How does this truth impact the nature of your speech? 

· Proverbs 26:4-5 “Don’t answer a fool according to his foolishness

or you’ll be like him yourself.

Answer a fool according to his foolishness

or he’ll become wise in his own eyes.” 

o When do fools ask questions of you in coaching? How do you usually handle their questions? 

o At first glance, these statements seem to contradict each other. How are they different, but complimentary? 

o How does unwisely answering a fool make us like him? 

o How does one answer a fool wisely and thus help the fool to escape his foolishness? 

· Proverbs 29:20 “Do you see a man who speaks too soon?

There is more hope for a fool than for him.” 

o What are the situations in coaching that tempt you to speak before you have thought things through? 

o Who are some coaches you know who seem to speak too soon? Tell us about them. 

o Why do those who speak too soon have less hope than a fool? 

Wise Attitudes in the Proverbs – 

Coaches deal daily with the attitudes of those they coach, seeing them as wise or foolish, good or bad, selfish or selfless, but how well do we identify and monitor our own attitudes? Today’s proverbs will help us to shape our own attitudes and bring them into alignment with God’s ways. 

· Proverbs 13:10 “Arrogance leads to nothing but strife,

but wisdom is gained by those who take advice.” 

o When have you encountered an arrogant coach? How did his attitude lead to strife? 

o How has asking for advice resulted in gaining wisdom for you? 

o As one grows as a coach, becomes more successful and gains respect, how does he or she keep from becoming arrogant? 

· Proverbs 14:15-16 “The inexperienced one believes anything,

but the sensible one watches his steps. 

16 A wise man is cautious and turns from evil,

but a fool is easily angered and is careless.” 

o When you hear these descriptions of inexperienced, easily angered, and careless coaches, what are the situations that expose them as such? 

o Who are some coaches you would describe as sensible, cautious and turning from evil? How have you seen them watch their steps? 

o What are the results of these widely varying attitudes among the coaches you know? 

· Proverbs 16:32 “Patience is better than power,

and controlling one’s temper, than capturing a city. 

o Who is the most patient coach you have known? 

o How would you grade your patience on a 1-10 scale? 

o How is patience and self-control of one’s temper better than raw power or military might? 

o What are the situations which test your patience and the control of your temper? 

· Proverbs 17:27-28 “The intelligent person restrains his words,

and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding. 

28 Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent,

discerning when he seals his lips.” 

o When do you find it hardest to bite your tongue and to keep a cool head? 

o Have you seen a situation where someone simply kept silent and thus appeared to be the smartest guy in the room? Tell us about it. 

o How can we each develop an attitude that helps us restrain our words and keep a cool head? Who can help us do that? 

Integrity in the Proverbs – 

Integrity is a word that gets thrown around in the sports world a good deal, but is often just a cliché to use when we don’t like what someone has done. How does one coach with integrity? What does integrity demand of coaches related to their contracts, related to how they work with colleagues, or related to how we lead our players? These proverbs will inform our hearts and minds of God’s standards for integrity in our lives. 

· Proverbs 11:3 “The integrity of the upright guides them,

but the perversity of the treacherous destroys them.” 

o How have you seen a coach’s integrity guide him or her to do the right thing? 

o If perversity is the twisting of something good into something evil, what is there in coaching that gets twisted by the treacherous, eventually destroying them? 

· Proverbs 13:5 “The righteous hate lying,

but the wicked act disgustingly and disgracefully.” 

o What are some issues in your sport that could lead a coach to lie, to act disgustingly or disgracefully? 

o How is integrity the very opposite of these three behaviors? 

· Proverbs 19:1 “Better a poor man who lives with integrity

than someone who has deceitful lips and is a fool.” 

o Why would it be better to live with integrity, though poor, than to be a deceitful fool? 

o Tell us about a coach you know whose deceitful lips compromised his integrity and left him looking like a fool. 

o What are some situations that compromise our integrity and tempt us with what seems to be easy money? 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Colleagues – 

Depending on what sport you coach and at what level, the relationships you have with your coaching colleagues could involve just a few hours per week or your coaching life could have you spending the vast majority of your waking hours with your coaching staff. In either case, to shape wise and mutually beneficial relationships with them will lead to both success and fulfillment. Let Solomon’s wisdom from the Proverbs shape your relationships with coaching colleagues. 

· Proverbs 11:14 “Without guidance, people fall,

but with many counselors there is deliverance.” 

o What are some situations which cause coaches and their teams to fall due to a lack of guidance? 

o How could they have found deliverance had they been surrounded by wise counselors? 

o Who are the counselors, colleagues, and mentors in your life who keep you from falling? 

· Proverbs 13:20 “The one who walks with the wise will become wise,

but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” 

o Name for us some of the wise people with whom you walk and thereby making you a wiser coach. 

o Why would the companion of fools suffer harm? 

o Does anyone come to mind when you hear about a fool’s companion suffering harm? 

· Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever conceals an offense promotes love,

but whoever gossips about it separates friends.” 

o Can you recall an instance when a coaching colleague covered an offense for you? How did that affect your relationship? 

o Can you recall an instance when a coaching colleague spread gossip about you or another coach? How did that affect the coaching staff? 

o What sorts of offenses can be covered by coaching colleagues and which ones have to be reported to higher authorities? 

· Proverbs 20:5 “Counsel in a man’s heart is deep water;

but a man of understanding draws it out.” 

o How is the counsel of a man’s heart like deep water? 

o How does a wise coach draw it out? 

o How have you experienced the truth of this proverb in your own career? 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Players – 

A coach’s relationships with his or her players can either be rich and rewarding or painful and frustrating. Sometimes they’re both at the same time. How a coach builds these relationships and what the coach values in relationships will determine the nature of the final results in the lives of the players. To use language from Coach Joe Ehrmann’s InSideOut Coaching, will we be Transactional Coaches or Transformational Coaches? Today’s proverbs, and the wisdom contained therein, can help us become coaches who are agents of God’s transforming power in our players’ lives. 

· Proverbs 9:7 “The one who corrects a mocker

will bring dishonor on himself;

the one who rebukes a wicked man will get hurt.” 

o How does one bring dishonor on himself by correcting a player who only mocks his coach? Tell us about a time you saw this happen. 

o How is the coach hurt by rebuking a wicked man? What are some characteristics of a wicked man in sport? 

· Proverbs 20:26 “A wise king separates out the wicked

and drives the threshing wheel over them.” 

o How have you seen a wise coach separate the wicked from the righteous on his teams? What did he or she do? 

o If a threshing wheel crushes grain to separate the good from the bad, what is a coaching equivalent to the threshing wheel one can use to separate the wicked? 

· Proverbs 24:11 “Rescue those being taken off to death,

and save those stumbling toward slaughter.” 

o Tell us about a player you coached who needed to be rescued. 

o What factors in the lives of your players have them stumbling toward slaughter or being taken off to death? 

o How are coaches uniquely qualified to rescue their players who are at great risk? 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Opponents – 

Probably nothing in sport challenges our faith in Christ and our values for honorable sport than how we relate to our opponents on the field of competition. Shall we treat our opponents as enemies or as co-laborers in a good work? Do we see the opponent as someone who seeks to diminish us or as someone who tests us, making us better? The Proverbs help us see conflict and opposition from God’s perspective, challenging us to approach these matters equipped with a Christ honoring ethic. 

· Proverbs16:7 “When a man’s ways please the Lord,

He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” 

o Tell us about a coach you know who sees his opponents in sport like an enemy to be hated. Is that attitude helpful or harmful to his coaching? 

o How could living in a wise way lead to even our most bitter coaching rivals being at peace with us? Why would God care about this? 

· Proverbs 26:27 “The one who digs a pit will fall into it,

and whoever rolls a stone—

it will come back on him.” 

o What are some coaching situations which seem like digging a pit to trap an opponent or rolling a stone down on his rival coach? 

o How could that strategy backfire on the pit digging or stone rolling coach? 

· Proverbs 29:22 “An angry man stirs up conflict,

and a hot-tempered man increases rebellion.” 

o What are the situations in coaching that push your anger button? 

o How do those angry situations stir up conflict between you and your opponents? 

o Tell us about a hot-tempered coach whose team directly reflected his temperament. 

o Did his hot-temper lead to having rebellious players? 

The Proverbs on the Relationship with Your Spouse – 

If we were to poll the coaches sitting here today as to how many marriages we’ve seen crash and burn, ending in divorce among our coaching colleagues and acquaintances, the number would be staggering. Some of us may have even tasted this bitter consequence of countless hours spent consumed by sport. The coaching profession is tough on our relationships with spouses. Let’s consider Solomon’s wisdom for this relationship (he had hundreds of wives) to shape our loving commitments to our spouses. 

· Proverbs 12:4 “A capable wife is her husband’s crown,

but a wife who causes shame

is like rottenness in his bones.” 

o Tell us about a coach’s spouse who is a real crown to her husband or to his wife. How does her character make him seem like a king or her a queen? 

o Tell us about a coach’s spouse (without mentioning names) whose shameful conduct pained him or her so badly that it made his or her bones rot? 

· Proverbs 18:22 “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing

and obtains favor from the Lord.” 

o How did you find your spouse? Tell us about how you met and when you decided you would marry. 

o When are you conscious that you have obtained favor from the Lord in having your spouse? 

· Proverbs 19:14 “A house and wealth are inherited from fathers,

but a sensible wife is from the Lord.” 

o This proverb contrasts the value of real estate and financial wealth with the value of a sensible spouse; when do you feel the surpassing value of your spouse? 

o Why is your spouse of greater value than a house or a big bank account? 

· Proverbs 22:14 “The mouth of the forbidden woman is a deep pit;

a man cursed by the Lord will fall into it.” 

o Tell us how coaches fall into the deep pit of a sweet talking woman? 

o How does the act of the coach falling into the pit reveal the nature of his relationship with God? 

o How do you avoid this pit? 

o Who helps you avoid the forbidden woman? 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Your Family – 

The same factors which sometimes compromise our relationships with our spouses directly apply to our relationships with other family members. Coaching’s demands on time often lead to our children feeling like they live in single parent homes during our seasons. Our relationships with parents get squeezed as we have limited time to travel to see them. The consuming nature of coaching steals much of our family time, creating stress and regret. These proverbs will inform us of God’s wisdom for these relationships and our discussions will shed some light on some ways to live wisely with our families. 

· Proverbs 15:5 “A fool despises his father’s discipline,

but a person who accepts correction is sensible.” 

o How well do the coaches you know lead their children? 

o Do they treat them like their players or like sons and daughters? 

o On a 1-10 scale, how would your score your parenthood in terms of the discipline and correction of your children? 

· Proverbs 17:6 “Grandchildren are the crown of the elderly,

and the pride of sons is their fathers.” 

o How do grandchildren make older men and women feel like kings and queens? 

o When do you sense that your kids are proud of you? 

o Tell us how you demonstrate the pride you have in your father. 

o When was the last time you told him you were proud to be his son or daughter? 

· Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is hope;

don’t be intent on killing him.” 

o What is the difference between disciplining your child and simply punishing him or her? 

o What would lead a parent to lose hope or to even seek to kill his son or daughter? 

· Proverbs 23:24-25 “The father of a righteous son will rejoice greatly,

and one who fathers a wise son will delight in him.

25 Let your father and mother have joy,

and let her who gave birth to you rejoice.” 

o What leads a parent to greatly rejoice and to delight in his children? 

o Tell us about some moments when your children have demonstrated righteousness or wisdom that gave you great joy. 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Administration – 

How a coach relates to the administrators to whom he or she must answer can either lead to stress and anxiety or to freedom and joy. Some of these relationships are adversarial and others are quite amicable, but in every case there is wisdom for how we conduct ourselves related to those to whom we’re responsible. The wisdom from these proverbs can serve us well if we’ll put it into our everyday practices. 

· Proverbs 15:31-32 “One who listens to life-giving rebukes

will be at home among the wise. 

32 Anyone who ignores discipline despises himself,

but whoever listens to correction acquires good sense.” 

o When have you received life-giving rebuke from one of your administrators? How well did you receive it? Did it lead to your being at home among the wise? 

o Have you known a coach who ignored the discipline and correction given him or her? How did that turn out? Tell us about it. 

· Proverbs 21:1 “A king’s heart is like streams of water in the Lord’s hand:

He directs it wherever He chooses.” 

o Tell us about how the interview and hiring process for one of your coaching jobs. 

o Could you sense God’s hand directing the administrators in the process? How so? 

· Proverbs 24:21-22 “My son, fear the Lord, as well as the king,

and don’t associate with rebels,

22 for destruction from them will come suddenly;

who knows what distress these two can bring?” 

o How similarly do you revere the Lord God and your direct supervisor? 

o What happens to coaches who act rebelliously toward their administrators? 

o What sorts of destruction and distress could come from an administrator (king) or from God due to a coach’s rebellion? 

· Proverbs 30:10 “Don’t slander a servant to his master

or he will curse you, and you will become guilty.” 

o What could lead a coach to slander a colleague to an administrator? 

o What are the possible outcomes of that conversation? 

o Have you ever seen that happen? Tell us about it. 

The Proverbs on Relationships with People outside the Program – 

The people surrounding your team and its support staff; media, fans, players’ parents, boosters, and others can either enhance a coach’s experience or make it a living hell. Think about all the different sorts of people you deal with in the course of a season. Solomon’s wisdom as outlined in these proverbs can help us navigate these waters which are often full of sharks and some violent waves. 

· Proverbs 23:1-3 “When you sit down to dine with a ruler,

consider carefully what is before you,

2 and put a knife to your throat

if you have a big appetite;

3 don’t desire his choice food,

for that food is deceptive.” 

o Who are the people of wealth and power outside your program who could be like the ruler in the proverb? Why should you be careful about what he or she could offer? 

o What could be deceptive about the prestige, privilege, or power that such a person could offer? 

· Proverbs 27:2 “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth—

a stranger, and not your own lips.” 

o Who are the people outside your program whose praise for your coaching is welcomed? 

o Why is that praise of greater value than that which comes from within the program? 

· Proverbs 27:21 “A crucible for silver, and a smelter for gold,

and a man for the words of his praise.” 

o If a crucible and a smelter break down and remove impurities from silver and gold, how do words of praise break down and test coaches? 

o Do you find it easier to deal with harsh criticism or effusive praise? Why? 

· Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man is a snare,

but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected.” 

o How do coaches fall into the trap of fearing people? What kinds of people do coaches fear? 

o How does trusting God protect us from that trap? 

The Proverbs on Relationships with Officials – 

If we were to ask each of us to name the worst official from the last season or the best one, I’m sure the name and face of the worst one would be easier to recall. The most offensive decision by that official probably also came immediately to mind. Such is the nature of most coaches’ relationships with referees, umpires, judges, or otherwise named officials in sport. Let’s listen closely to Solomon’s wisdom for how we can see these relationships transformed in ways that bring the best out of each one and even improve the sport. 

· Proverbs 10:9 “The one who lives with integrity lives securely,

but whoever perverts his ways will be found out.” 

o How does integrity in coaching lead to greater security for the coach? 

o What sorts of things have coaches done secretly which later came to light and resulted in penalties, suspensions, or firing? 

· Proverbs 17:14 “To start a conflict is to release a flood;

stop the dispute before it breaks out.” 

o What sorts of conflicts with game officials build up and rush out like a flash flood? 

o How do wise coaches solve disputes with officials before the flood of emotion and conflict breaks out? 

· Proverbs 21:15 “Justice executed is a joy to the righteous

but a terror to those who practice iniquity.” 

o If the game officials are there to execute justice on the field of competition, how do they bring joy to the righteous and terror to those who are unjust? 

o How do you coach in a way that leads your staff and players to see the officals as God’s servants who insure justice in sport? 

· Proverbs 29:26 “Many seek a ruler’s favor,

but a man receives justice from the Lord.” 

o How have you seen coaches seek the favor of a game official? How successful were they? 

o If a man receives justice from the LORD, how do we handle it when calls go against us or when the outcome seems unjust? 

Financial Issues Addressed in the Proverbs – 

Coaches’ relationships with money vary widely. The news is replete with stories of coaches who make seven figure salaries, but we all know coaches who barely scrape by and coach simply because they love it. For many of us, we don’t coach mainly because we get paid to, but because it’s a passion or even a calling from God. These sections from the Proverbs can help us form a wise relationship with finances and rightly administrate our provision from God. 

· Proverbs 11:24-25 “One person gives freely,

yet gains more;

another withholds what is right,

only to become poor. 

25 A generous person will be enriched,

and the one who gives a drink of water

will receive water.” 

o Tell us about one of the most generous coaches you have known. Was he or she generous with money or other commodities as well? 

o How were these generous coaches perceived by others? 

o Have you also known coaches who withheld the treasures they possessed? What was the outcome of their lifestyles? 

· Proverbs 13:11 “Wealth obtained by fraud will dwindle,

but whoever earns it through labor will multiply it.” 

o What is the wealth that some coaches acquire by fraud and why does it dwindle? 

o How is it different with the coaches who work hard and see their wealth multiplied? 

· Proverbs 28:27 “The one who gives to the poor

will not be in need,

but one who turns his eyes away

will receive many curses.” 

o Who are the poor in the world of sport? How does a coach wisely give to them? 

o What would it be for a coach to turn his eyes away from a player or a poor coaching colleague and thereby receive many curses? 

Personal and Professional Development in the Proverbs – 

There is a wide variety of approaches coaches take toward the development of their careers. Some have definite plans with milestones set for one, five, and ten years at a time. Others are much more relaxed and seem to blow from place to place like the wind is carrying them along. What would King Solomon and the Proverbs have to say about personal and professional development for coaches? Let’s consider these proverbs for some wise principles in following God’s leadership through life. 

· Proverbs 16:3 “Commit your activities to the Lord,

and your plans will be achieved.” 

o How would one commit his activities as a coach to the Lord? 

o How well defined are your plans for your coaching career? 

o What is the connection between committing your activities to the Lord and your plans being achieved? 

· Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way,

but the Lord determines his steps.” 

o What are some of the plans you have stored in your heart? 

o How many of those plans turned out exactly the way you had earlier envisioned them? 

o How have you perceived that the Lord was directing your steps as your coaching career developed? 

· Proverbs 20:24 “A man’s steps are determined by the Lord,

so how can anyone understand his own way?” 

o Tell us about some twists and turns in your coaching career that had you wondering if the Lord was paying attention. 

o How can we build our trust in God when we don’t understand where our career path is leading us? 

· Proverbs 22:29 “Do you see a man skilled in his work?

He will stand in the presence of kings.

He will not stand in the presence of unknown men.” 

o When has your coaching skill ushered you into the presence of people with the power and authority of kings? 

o What would you say are your primary skills as a coach? 

o How might God use those skills to lead you into a position of great influence and impact?